The Q-tip in the conference room

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes....why would there a Q-tip on the floor of a conference room? wait, back up. why would someone have a q-tip at the office to begin with? is it kind of like that strange, inexplicable urge to pick your nose when you're in your car...as if you're invisible when you do it? what would've crossed the offender's mind?!?! let's see, something like, "I know! I'll clean out the wax build-up in my ears when I get to work!"

well, it's a good thing I didn't see the q-tip until after the meeting ended. seriously, how are you suppose to productively contribute to a business discussion when all you can think about is the damn q-tip on the floor: who does it belong to and how did it get there? unless, of course, the "business" discussion is about the pink q-tip. who are we kidding....the meeting would've been 100 times more interesting if the purpose of the meeting was to brainstorm about the many ways and reasons a q-tip would find it's way to our office.

and take a closer look, it's unmistakable....the damn q-tip is used! check out how one side of the q-tip is more squished and compressed than the other. the side that's pointing south in the picture....yup, that side's been somewhere. it's so pointy that I can't help but think that someone picked their nose with it. unless...are the insides of ears pointy like that? maybe it is if you push the q-tip in too deep, or if you have spock ears.

The Crop Duster

sometimes my cube life feels like a scene that belonged in the movie "Office Space"

case in point:

there's this dude whose name I don't know, but I know his face. let's just call him "mr. friendly" for now....he'll be re-named later, and for good reason.

anyways, I think he's in sales because he's not always around...just pops by the mother-ship office every once in awhile, prolly to make sure he still has a job.

so the other day, I was having a "coffee break" with one of my cube farm pals, g-fab. we were on our way back to the c.farm, just waiting for an elevator. when the elevator doors opened, who was there but mr. friendly. as he gets out of the lift, he says "hi" to me in a super-friendly way, as if we were bff's or something. (I should've been suspicious...you'll understand why in a sec.) and I say "hi" back as if we were bff's. hey, so what if he and I both know that we don't know each other. when someone puts out a friendly vibe, you boomerang it back. isn't that what good karma's about?

well, let's just say that mr. friendly not only put out a friendly vibe, he put out a stinky, vaporous gas vibe. that bastard totally crop-dusted the elevator before he stepped out. WTF?!?!? that wasn't a friendly vibe when he was saying hello...that was a nervous-i'm-gonna-get-found-out vibe! he tore up the elevator and he let us walk right into it. and we had our mouths open and everything since g-fab & I were engrossed in juicy convo.

but in that moment, when we walked into the lift, we didn't even know what we were really walking into.

g-fab and I got into the lift, the doors close and we continued our conversation. I swear, I was mid-sentence when I had to stop. I SMELLED IT. and I had to announce it. and not only that, I had to be clear that it wasn't me. (really, g-fab, if you're reading this, it wasn't me!!!) g-fab couldn't smell it from where she was standing. so I made her change places with me to confirm the obvious. mr. friendly dropped a real one! that jackass is The Crop Duster!

it was gross! his "crop-dust" was one of those sneaky kinds, not the kind that slaps you in the face right when you confront it. the c.dust just sort of creeped up on us, like an alien vapor that engulfs you.

since this incident, I've told other cube neighbors so they can watch out for him...so they can proceed with caution if they happen to share an elevator with Crop Duster. once a crop duster, always a crop duster!