A triple

I'm taking a lunch break at the moment and just got back from using the restroom. the ladies room is usually deserted during lunch hour, which would ordinarily make it a good time to drop a load, if needed. and apparently, I'm not alone in my thinking.

so I went to tinkle and there was someone already there in the restroom, in the far corner, handicap stall (i.e. the poo stall). and sure enough, she was taking a dump.

in the short time I was in the restroom to tinkle and wash my hands, the mystery crapper did a double flush! which I appreciate...it helps minimize the stink.

and then, just as I exited the restroom....flush #3!! that must've been one crazy poo to be a triple flusher!

who was this triple flusher?!?! I had to know, but there's no way I was gonna go back into the ladies just to find out. seriously, how obvious would THAT be?!!?

but just as I walked down the hallway, I caught a glimpse...it was the Clippity-Clip Lady!

food bandit strikes again!

OMG! this is no joke. this milk carton with a picture representing someone's missing sandwich appeared in the lunchroom today:


the picture says it all. but it's probably too small to read in the photo, so here's what the message says, just so you can fully appreciate the situation:

"MISSING
Have you Seen Me?

Last seen: Friday, August 1
Abducted from the 4th floor coffee room refrigerator.
Homemade sandwich made on Hawaiian bread. Less than
one day old."

(under the photo: "Not actual sandwich")

PS...someone had way too much time to go and create this milk carton. but it is damn funny!

Duck, cover, and hold?

hey, what's shaking? oh, yeah, me and the rest of southern CA got all shook up during the quake yesterday. preliminary reports said it was a 5.8 trembler, but it was later revised down to 5.4. all I know is that it was frightening. if that wasn't "the big one" then YIKES to what "the big one" is going to feel like!!

in the moment you don't know what to do. do I evacuate? do I go under my desk. well, evidently, you're suppose to "duck, cover, and hold." it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like, "stop, drop and roll" (and when are you suppose to do that one?!?!)....but in the aftermath of the earthquake drama, our HR department promptly reminded us that the proper response was to D.C. and H. they also reminded us that we can find this info in section Z, page 102 of our employee safety book.

um, note to HR: that info would've been helpful BEFORE the big shake. and PS, I don't know where my safety book is.

anyways, here's a photo of the aftermath in the cubefarm. The only "casualties" were my pink rubber duckie and my Lucy pez dispenser...and a few opened drawers.

Evidence of poo activity in the FUS

After the alleged poo situation in the FUS, I was on alert. I can't believe someone would do that in the FUS. Isn't it common knowledge that the stall furthest from the entry (which happens to be the extra-large handicap stall), is the one you poo in!?! Apparently not!

So today when I went to the ladies, I noticed this as I made the turn around the sinks, towards the FUS:

This is clear evidence that poo activity is occurring in the FUS. Why else would anyone need a can of air freshener unless they're dropping a real one, right?

An in case there's any doubt, here's a close up of the evidence in the FUS.


Maybe I should move the can to the proper poo stall, as a signal to those who are inconsiderate enough to poo in the FUS. The only problem is -- that air freshener can prolly has a bunch of poo germs on it, since the poo nazi uses it before washing her hands.

** POOP ALERT: Doing the doo in the FUS!

it's 4:03pm and I just escaped from the ladies room. someone was in there dropping off stinky "kids" in the pool. and the worst part of it: she was doing it in the F.U.S.!

clearly this person doesn't know the poo-at-work etiquette. which is: do not poo in the F.U.S. (at least, don't do it during business hours)

aaargh!

flood alert: men's room on our floor

so my cube buddy (and paparazzi) reported back to me that there was a flood in the men's room on our floor. I asked if there was poo on the floor and he said "no", so I kind of lost interest until he sent me this pic of the situation.

since I'm not a dude, I have this strange and never-ending curiosity about The Urinal. like, how does it flush without splashing out on the dude standing right in front of it? and where does the water come from, if there's no tank. and why is there a deodorizer-looking thing in it....is it a target so dude's can aim their pee stream as best they can? and why aren't there doors for the urinal, cuz even if you pee out of the zipper in your pants, doesn't your butt crack peek out, even just a little, since you're pants become loose?

and then there's this picture. how does a urinal become out of order. it just seems like it can't break. you pee into it. and the pee goes down the drain. what's not to work?

Clippity-Clip

so the cube farm inhabitant who perpetuates the tainted community goodies (i.e. fecal-infested bowls of unwrapped treats), totally clips her nails during work time.

and the funny thing is, she was shameless about it. openly sitting there...clippity-clip-clip.

first of all, she make any effort to clip her bits into the trash can, as if the flying nail bits would magically vanish in thin air. as far as I'm concerned, those nail bits landed in the giant bowls of M&Ms....yet another reason why you shouldn't partake in the open bowls of candy by her desk.

second of all, she's a free-lancer. and she was so nervy to just sit in her cube and clippity-clip-clip. shameless! and she prolly makes a butt-load of $$ by the hour too.